Five steps of accepting social networking

Ah, I see you've made it. Come in and lie down. Make yourself comforty. Now, (with spectacles on nose) I understand that you're dealing with the grief that social networking is causing you? Yes, aha, aha. And when did this happen? You can't quite recall. Was it sudden? No? Oh, it was a gradual. First it was your co-workers?

*scribble, scribble*

Hmmm, interesting. Is this where your grief manifested itself? No? Okay. Oh, then it was your friends? Intriguing. All right then, let's follow this line of thought further. Who else attributed to this grief? Family?! Ah, yes family is closest to the heart. This is when you noticed your grief?

*scribble scribble*

Well, the only thing I can do for you in this session is walk you through this grief. Help you understand it better and accept it as well. Would you be willing to do that? You would? Excellent. The first step in dealing with your grief is your willingness to deal with it.

Alright, let us begin.

Denial of your dead social life
The first thing we have to address is your denial. Yes, denial! You are denying the death of your social life. This is understandable. It's a tragic loss. However, life is about change and we can't change that. I understand that some of your co-workers aren't going out to lunch with you anymore and instead are spending time updating the company's Linkedin account? Also, your friends have become caught up in their busy lives and I understand that they've taken to Facebook to substitute for calling or emailing? Even your children have betrayed you? Oh, how so? They're always on MySpace when you enter the room? And your significant other is spending too much time on Jango? I can see that your social life isn't really dead. Maybe disconnected. This is more evident than ever. I can see how you see your social life is dead, and I want to assure you that denial is normal. Its okay to deny that your family has ditched quality time with you for virtual time with their friends or new acquaintances. Feeling rather isolated, right?

You're not alone. Denying the existence of social networking is easy to do. Denying is a way of rebelling against the system. Everybody is doing it, and you're asking yourself the question, like I've asked myself multiple of times, if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you? We also deny that our social life is dying and we don't want to join the bandwagon because everyone is doing it or pressuring us to do it. But perhaps socializing isn't dying but just wearing a different cover. We're not recognizing the new face of socializing.

Dealing with the "Rage"
So you're angry. You have every right to be. Angry that the once-old-fashion-way of socializing has kicked the bucket, angry that everybody is abandoning this way of socializing and angry that you have to change your ways in order to socialize with everyone again. But you're not the only one dealing with the rage. The various academic and professions are dealing with this social "rage." According to Marketing Pilgrim, in their article, Social Networking surpasses Email Popularity, it's interesting to note the stats from each country as each society becomes involved with social networking. Looking to the global audience, "only half of Switzerland’s and Germany’s residents are on social networks, while Brazil has 80% of its population social networking." When Facebook offered a German language version, there was a noticeable increase of social networking in Germany.

The lists of social networking sites are literally endless. They don't just encompass the good old fashion talking to friends anymore, but are a means of making new friends, finding a date, finding a significant other (trust me, it happens), an announcement board to everyone, a connection with co-workers....you're getting the picture . Someone on Wikipedia has been kind enough to provide an extensive list of social networking sites. Of course, they've compiled this list from other lists, but you and I get the gist as to the overall significance social networking has on the web. The sites we've come to recognize and love/loathe are Facebook and MySpace. Twitter is becoming the next big cheese on the block. Top Ten Reviews gives their own list as to why the most popular sites are going like hot cakes. I could give the list, but you're eyeballs would numb after a few minutes.

But let's get back to the more important issue. How does anyone deal with all of these sites? They bargain.

Bargaining Stage
You've gotten over your anger, and seem to be accepting that there is no way out of this social situation. You reason with yourself. If you're going to be a part of this social scene, well by Freud's fanny, you mind as well take the plunge in a big way. Okay, you might not be thinking that but your subconscious mind sure is, because before you know it you have five accounts in five different social networking sites. The idea is about getting yourself out there. Well, I can sympathize.

I know for myself, at one point, became heavily tangled in the lines of social networking. I am unabashed to say that I joined because my friends joined. I did not go out and explore what was out there, but when someone emailed me to join a site, I readily joined. First there was hi5, than Tagged, followed by MySpace and along with Jango and Facebook. Recently, I've joined twitter. Am I hopeless?

In your overloaded discovery of social networking you may have stumbled upon a pattern. If you say they all appear to have the same features, you get ice cream! Brian S. Mathews in his chapter, "Online Social Networking," gives a quick sum of the features that are shown in most social networking sites. The "Core Features" are:

User Profile: this be your homepage. It's the page that greets you with your face when you log-in. Most of the functions are found focused on this page.

Friending: this be the process where you make new friends! Very exciting until the person rejects your request. Friending requires two way authentication of the person asking to be a friend and the other person approving the friendship. What a straightforward way of making friends.

Groups: this be the space which groups of shared interest come together and interact with one another in cyber-time.

Individual Messaging: this be the similar function as emailing but takes place strictly within the site. It is private and is sent to one or a multiple of people. The character count is limited and some sites also limit how many messages can be stored in the "inbox."

Announcements: this be the place where you tell the world your business. Okay, not the "world" but your sphere of influence. This is the place where the site collects all the current updates from yourself and friends and dumps them in this space for everyone to see.

Individual Message Boards: this be the place where you message friends openly. It's similar to individual messaging except for the fact that everyone can read your business. So, if you don't want anybody snooping, you better send IM instead.

Photos: this be the place you share and show photographs of yourself, friends and anything of interest. Size and specifications vary from site. Friends can comment on photos and a marking system identifying friends in the picture is also set in place.

Blogs or Journals: this be the place where you write your thoughts. If you're looking for the word "blog" or "journal" in Facebook, look no more, but instead look for the word "note." A little unconventional, I suppose, but Facebook likes to be "unique." Anyways, moving on!

Icebreakers: this be the function that you use to get another friend's attention. In Facebook it's called a "poke." Honestly, who wants to be poked? But that's the word they use (again with the uniqueness!). I think someone needs to create an application that responds with "Stop poking me" or "I'm ticklish."

Searching: this be the place you to find others. I know according to Facebook there are two search functions: one to search within one's own friends and than the other main search for groups and possible friends.

Privacy Controls: this be the place to limit what others see. Privacy controls is really about protecting your privacy from those within the site or even out on the Internet. Since Google has come along, you don't necessarily need to be connected to Facebook to find a person anymore. Google helps. So set your privacy controls!

Depression: Dealing with the Overload
You now realize that dealing with the issue of social networking by using reverse psychology on yourself is just not working. You're depressed. You made the mistake of getting five unique usernames and you can't remember them. Or you made the mistake of creating one username for all five sites and think you're an uncreative sop whose given into the dark side of social demands. Whatever the case, you're left with a head full of unhappiness.

Welcome to social networking overload. You thought to deal with the grief by going in the opposite direction. Instead, going in the opposite direction at full steam really mucked things up. I remember my social networking overload moment. Remember that list of sites I listed off? I've discarded most of them. It's true what they say about popular sites. They're popular until the next new thing comes round. The main reason I discarded hi5 and Tagged was just for the fact that random people wanted to become my friends. And ironically enough, the friends I started with on hi5 migrated to MySpace and eventually ended up on Facebook. Go figure. I like how Leigh Duncan-Durst puts it, "first, most seem to have these cutesy 3-7 letter names like "Blyk" and "Fark". Second, none of the names really reflect what the apps do." In her article, Social Networking: Application Overload, Leigh describes social networking application saturation as APP REFLEX. She claims it "involves a facial tic, shoulder spasm and a gagging sinus noise. This came on gradually but was fully in force after one day of casual research."

Acceptance: moving forward
Acceptance of your grief, of the passing of in-person chats with a friend over coffee, the quality time with the kids, or going out to lunch with co-workers is one part of letting go. You've shook your fist at the virtual world by first ignoring it, then diving in head first thinking this would solve the grief only to become depressed when the social overload became evident. You've accepted social networking but your now ready to put aside the rest of the steps in realizing that social networking is here to stay. There is help. One blog talks about how to deal with social networking overload. It brings to the discussion table four important points: Ask yourself why, Consider your purpose, Create boundaries and Communicate your plan.

Asking yourself why leads to two actions: you either joined for friends or join just for the heck of it? Joining with and for friends at least serves its purpose. You have a mission; maintain contact and make new contact. Joining just to join will cause you to join many sites thus defeating the whole purpose.

Consider your purpose: are you spending more time in one particular social networking site than another? Having too many sites with duplicate information is just a waste of maintenance time.

Creating boundaries is a good thing. Perhaps you want to separate your personal life from your professional life so as to not mix them up and not worry that you will offend certain people or give the wrong message.

Communicate your plan: if you do choose to have more than one account on different social networking sites, you don't have to update news or status all the time. You don't have to be friends with everybody. Communicate to the people the purpose of your presence on that particular site. Being honest from the get go will save you from ackward situations down the road.

It can happen to You
Admit it, you've been in this stage at one point of your life. Perhaps not with social networking but with other Web 2.0 applications. Looking at my own experience, I didn't think much about the entire process of coming and leaving a particular social networking site. However, as I begin looking at my own career as a librarian, I am having to take into consideration other professionals who are wanting or needing to become a part of a social network because of work.

What about the Teachers?
Teachers are perhaps becoming one of the biggest users of social networking. Realizing the power of the web in their students lives, teachers are making the move to harness this learning tool. By becoming aware as well as active in using it in and outside the classroom, teachers are sometimes having to exceed themselves in learning unfamiliar technology. Besides new stomping grounds, teachers are also having to realize the current dangers that their students are facing unawares. Teachers are coming to social networking with the awareness of putting up too much personal information. With this knowledge, teachers are taking a look at what their students are putting up on the Internet. On top of this, teachers are having to deal with issues of how much they want to relate to their students through social networking sites. Do they add students to their "friends" list? Do they create a specific account that allows them to add students and teachers? To add another layer of icing to this cake, teachers who are coming into the social networking scene are coming under fire for what they're posting on their profile. Is it intentional? No. But teachers are beginning to realize that maybe, just maybe, their lives aren't so private. How do teachers deal with all of this?

Teachers are having to really dig about for the privacy restrictions on their profiles nowadays. Perhaps they haven't even invited students to be their friends, but as Kellie Hayden informs us, students are simply googling their teachers. Some teachers have dealt with some of these issues by creating their own social networking sites. There is Classroom 2.0, which claims is a place for teachers to network, share ideas and discuss current Web 2.0 issues in the classroom. But on the other spectrum, some teachers see the importance of social networking of enhancing teaching. As article, "Have you googled your teacher lately? Teachers' Use of Social Networking Sites." writes, for one teacher it was a way for the quiet students to come out of their shells in communicating with their teacher. These students found a voice that they could communicate with outside of the four walls of the school. Whatever the issues of social networking, teachers are having to face the issues on a daily basis. It only makes sense as they become familiar with this application and its challenges.

What about the Classroom?
So, after ranting and raving about the complications that teachers themselves are facing in the social networking arena, what can be spoken about for the student in the classroom. Quite a bit, actually. But the learning process for students about social networking might be more of an awareness of what is happening on these sites. As Privacycom.org writes in their article, Bullying over Social Networks, says the difference with bullying in cyber-time compared to real time is that you cannot defend yourself. Once a piece of negative information gets out there whether it is in text or picture, it's out there and there's no way of retrieving it. The site goes on to say that the only way to cope with this is for schools and teachers to educate students that bullying can happen in any place, including the Internet.

What about the Librarians?
Now speaks the librarians. What say they in this upheaval. Interestingly enough, when I went to google "social networking AND librar*" what appeared before my eyes weren't social networking sites available to librarians as there were for the teachers, but rather articles about library involvement in social networking. I find this quite intriguing. It seems that librarians aren't about creating the sites for their users but harnessing existing sites alongside with their patrons. Sure, sure, there's a Library 2.0 ning that popped up but it makes sense that librarians would create a social networking site for themselves. It's what they do - explore all web applications to unfound depths! So how is the local library getting on board with social networking. Take our dear friend, Facebook. A classic example I must say. Every library is taking advantage of this particular site to put out their voice in reaching their users. I like how Brian S. Mathews categorizes the library presence on social networking sites: Speak their language, show them the library, get them to assess, repackage the information, and word of mouth.

First off, "speaking their language" is really about meeting patrons where they are at. It's all about leaving behind the four wall stereotype. Secondly, "show them the library," is all about exploring how users see their hometown library. It's all about the user making the library their own. Thirdly, "get them to assess." This ones important. It's all about the opportunity to rant or rave about your library. Fourthly, "repackage the information," is all about showing the young ones the old way of researching in a new format. And lastly, "word of mouth," sometimes gets people moving in the direction of their local library. Sometimes it takes an enthusiastic friend to tell that the library is a cool place to hang.

The Patient speaks the last words
Okay, I think I know what you're talking about now. I've been mourning the lost of my "social life" when really it's just taken on another form. And, and I shouldn't go overboard when getting an account. I should shop around. Right? right! This makes much more sense. And...Doctor....Doctor? Ah, Doctor? Is that Facebook you're using on your iphone?

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Carter, Heather L.; Foulger, Teresa S.; Ewbank, Ann Dutton. "Have You Googled Your Teacher Lately? Teachers' Use of Social Networking Sites." Phi Delta Kappan. 89.9 (2008):681-686.
Courtney, Nancy. "Library 2.0 and Beyond." Wesport, Connecticut; Libraries Unlimited, 2007.